David Hatter and the Power of Yoga
by Alaina Downs
Summary: While adjusting to living in Alice's world, Hatter is introduced to yoga by Alice.  Will he be a convert? Will everything about yoga remind him of sex? Will he fall down a lot? Will he change his name to Reiki? A humorous look at the yoga culture & Hatter
1. Chapter 1 Down Dog

David Hatter and the Power of Yoga

**Author's Note: This story was born out of e-mail conversations regarding Hatter, as he acclimates himself in Alice's world. Much of the stuff talked about here is not meant to be taken seriously. It's going to be a short four chapter story, much along the lines of **_**The Purity Test**_**. I wanted to thank those of you who have recently discovered **_**Firsts**_**, and have been reviewing, as well as those who have favorited my other stories. A big thanks for this story goes to Lady Irish Rose who has been a great contributor for many scenes, as well as Brumeier who wanted to see Bad Hatter, again. Hope everybody enjoys this, and please review!**

Chapter One: Down Dog

She breathed in; exhaling as she stretched her long limbs out onto the green mat. Her heels were firmly on the floor, and her legs started to shake as she quietly counted to ten.

Alice opened her eyes, and saw the brown toed boots crossed behind her. "All ready for me, I see," he said, a hint of teasing coming through his voice.

Hatter eyed the curve of her ass. It strained through the confines of her tight blue shorts; the round ends of her butt cheeks peeking out momentarily as she flexed. He walked behind her, and reached his hand out till it grazed the small of her back.

She stumbled as she righted herself up; panting heavily. "You made me lose my concentration."

"Good." He chuckled. "What are you even doing here?"

"Um, doing right now, or doing at your place?"

"Both." Hatter's eyes twinkled.

"I had a bad day at school, I just…" Alice shrugged. "I had that meeting with my thesis advisor…that sucked. Got my paper back on the Arthurian legends class I'm taking for English…not even going to talk about that."

"Ah." Hatter wrapped his arms around her. "So, you decided to come here so I could make you feel better, yeah?"

"No."

"Oh." He let his shoulders slump in disappointment as he watched her walk into the kitchen. "No?"

She opened the fridge, and took out her water bottle that she had put in when she arrived. "I came here because I thought you were going to be at work."

"Oh."

"Yeah, what are you doing here anyways? I thought you were on till seven," Alice said.

"Oh, no. I just switched some…so, you really didn't come here to see me?"

Alice shook her head, smiling at his hurt expression. "I had a bad day, so all I wanted to do was have some peace and quiet, light some candles, and just give myself over to yoga for an hour." She took a long sip of the water. "I went home, but Mom was getting stuff set for her book group so…"

"So…that wasn't some big plan to seduce me? You raising your bum in the air like that?"

"Is that what you thought?"

"I…may have hoped that." He chuckled uneasily.

She giggled. "No. I needed to stretch out…de-stress."

"So…that's what de-stressing is for you?" Hatter ran his finger over the small sliver of exposed skin between her top and shorts. "I can think of some other ways."

"Oh, like what?"

He pursed his lips. "Oh, like taking your clothes off, um-"

"No! I find yoga to be very relaxing. I think it helps me to clear my mind, just to focus on the moves, and the way it works my body." Alice nodded. "It's different from doing judo. There I'm watching everyone, I'm making sure that every step is done just right, and everybody is following instructions." She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. "Afterwards, I feel all loose, limp; at peace."

Hatter raised his eyebrows. "Uh huh. Right, well, you know in Wonderland, we had a different way of achieving that."

"Oh?"

"Well, two ways," he amended. "One, have a bloody mind blowing orgasm."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Mmm hmm, and, two?"

"Take Peace Tea."

"Well, since that was pretty much like taking drugs…I'm just going to say, not the best idea."

"Well," Hatter shrugged, "I didn't say the ideas were all that brilliant."

"I think you should try yoga sometime. I'm telling you, yoga, a little massage, some reiki…you'll feel amazing," Alice enthused.

"Um, I'm down for the massage, but, what the bloody hell is reiki?"

"It's…" she shook her head. "It's too complicated to get into right now. Look, why don't I demonstrate some of the yoga positions?"

Hatter smirked. "You know that I'm just going to be thinking bad thoughts, yeah?"

Alice narrowed her eyes. "Yoga is not about sex, mister!"

"Uh huh," he drawled out, following her into the living room. "You don't have any candles out."

"Oh. I forgot mine at home, and I didn't think you had any."

"I don't." He grinned, flashing his dimples. "Move in with me, and I'll have candles for you everyday."

Alice gave him a shy smile. "I'm still in school." She got down on the mat, lying on her stomach, and pushed up off her arms, sticking her chest out. "This one is called up dog, and see, I can lead it into the one you saw, down dog." Alice pressed up off the floor, and moved her legs back.

Hatter stared at her, letting his gaze traverse over the muscles in her calves, and thighs until he stopped at her ass. He watched it flex as she held herself up, and he swallowed; forcing himself not to run over and touch her.

"And, this one can actually be kind of hard at first," Alice was saying as she braced herself into a standing position.

"Um…what?" he croaked out.

She chuckled. "Pay attention, you may learn something." Alice set the sole of her right foot on her left thigh, and rotated the knee out. She lifted her hands above her head, and glanced at him. "This one is called tree."

"Doing this stuff helps you relax?" Hatter asked suspiciously, circling around her.

"Yeah. God knows that I need that every now and then." Alice lifted her right leg up in front of her, grabbing the big toe with her fingers. Hatter let out a soft whimper as he watched her bring her leg higher in the air. "This one took me a while to get."

"Fuck," he whispered, looking down to where the outline of her panties was visible through her shorts.

Alice bent down, placing her hands firmly on the sticky mat, as she kicked one leg straight behind her. Hatter felt his crotch area tighten as he maneuvered behind her. He ran his fingers along the small arc of her hips, and down to her thighs.

"Fuck," he muttered again.

Alice craned her neck around to look at him. "Hatter! This is serious stuff!"

"I…I am serious." He exhaled forcefully. "Wow."

She lowered her leg. "I'll show you a couple more…if you can behave. I do want to get in _some _kind of workout."

"I wouldn't mind getting in a workout either."

"Hatter!" Alice blushed. "You know, I think I might just go to the gym, and run this off on the treadmill if you can't behave."

Hatter lifted his hands up in surrender. "I can behave!"

"Okay. You better!" she exclaimed, waving a finger at him. She grinned as she lay on her back, and spread her legs apart as she pushed her butt off the ground, grabbing her ankles with her hands. "This is a baby bridge."

Hatter groaned, and threw his hat down to the ground. He slid in between Alice's thighs, resting his hands on the band of her shorts. "Baby bridge? Looks more like a position for making babies."

Alice's eyes widened as the pink color rushed to her cheeks, and she covered her open mouth with her hands. "Hatter!"

"I'm not saying that we'll do that now, of course." He bent his head down so his stubble scraped at her thighs. "But, I think practice is needed."

"Of yoga?" Alice asked. She swallowed; her throat suddenly dry.

"Among other things." His dark eyes glinted at her as he started to pull his gray shirt up over his head.

"There's a couples yoga," she panted, her legs threatening to buckle under her as Hatter slowly started to tug her shorts and panties down.

"Hmmmm." Hatter winked. "I think that could be dangerous." He stood up, and quickly undid his trousers, taking his boxers along with them. "I'm just going to want to touch you everywhere."

"That's kind of the point." Alice watched as Hatter's erection sprang free. "I have one more position to show you."

"Oh?"

Alice placed her arms above her head, and lowered the incline of her body down. She linked the bottoms of her feet together, and opened her legs. "This is called reclining goddess. It's supposed to help with your sex life by opening up your hips."

Hatter shook. He could make out the soft slits of her pussy; and his cock twitched. "Is that so?" he finally managed to get out.

"I don't know if it's true or not. Haven't ever tried it out," she said bashfully.

He bit his lip, and leaned back over her. He moved her legs behind him so they wrapped around his back. "I don't recall this ever happening on Peace Tea."

They both gasped, shuddering as he slid inside her. "Just so you know, you can't do this in couples yoga class," Alice said.

"Too bad, because I can't just touch you."

"We can have sex after the class."

"Alice…" Hatter shook his head, and struggled to control himself as he moved around within her. Her inner heat was proving to be too intense for him, and every time he thrust to find relief, it only brought him closer.

His cock throbbed, urging him to speed up. "Hatter…"

He reared up, taking Alice's calves in his hands, and split them open; her toes pointed out as each new plunge brought a wave of pleasure over her body. "I've been thinking about you all day," Hatter muttered.

"Oh…oh, yeah?" she panted.

"The seeing you like that, with your tight, perfect bum up in the air like that…" Hatter grunted.

"You liked it?"

"I loved it." He squinted his eyes shut for a moment before they flashed open. Alice gasped as Hatter tightened his hold on her legs, and their skin slapped roughly against each other. "Alice. Alice. Alice. Aliceeeeeeeeeee," he moaned.

Hatter dropped her legs clumsily down on the mat, as he wrapped his arms around her back. "I've never had sex on a yoga mat before," Alice said quietly.

He chuckled. "Admit it, Alice. It was your intention all along."

She giggled, and pushed him off. "No, it wasn't. I just wanted to have a quiet space to do yoga."

"Move in with me, and you'll always have a quiet space."

Alice curled up next to him, slinging her leg over his thigh. "I can only do it when you're at work. Unless, you think you can hold off on having sex with me as I work out."

Hatter tapped his finger to his lips as if he was in serious thought. "That might be a problem."

"Mmm hmm. You know, there's this off shoot kind of thing of yoga, called tantric sex. I, well, I only read a little bit about it, but, supposedly by doing this practice, you can hold off your orgasm for hours, you know, make the foreplay really las-"

"Oi! Wait, hold up!" Hatter sat up. "Look, the only reason why that one was so quick was because we haven't had sex in three days."

"No, I wasn't saying-"

"And, furthermore," Hatter was standing up now, his hands on his hips. "I realize that in the six months that we've been together that the sex hasn't lasted much longer than an hour, but, let me add, that we did not have sex for the first month-"

"Well, I wasn't just going to jump into bed with you!"

"No. I mean, yes…I mean, no, of course not. That would've been bad, I mean…good."

"Hatter…"

He started pacing around. "I have stamina, Alice. Just because I'm not being fueled by Tea now doesn't mean that I can't go for hours. Just ask Daphne."

"Who?"

"This…this girl in Wonderland. I mean, we made it last for six hours, and I know-"

Alice stood up now, her eyes widening. "Six hours? You know, I don't even want to talk about this."

"She doesn't matter." Hatter waved the thought away. "I don't need this tannic-"

"Tantric."

"Whatever. I don't need it." He walked into the kitchen, and began to set up his afternoon tea.

"Well, I didn't say that-"

"Oi! And furthermore…again," Hatter added, shaking the tea bag in front of her face. "I will try this yoga stuff out with you, just to show you that I don't need it, and that there are many other, and better, ways of 'de-stressing,'" he continued, using air quotes. "Believe me, no more five minute sex sessions again!"

Alice stifled a laugh as she followed him into the kitchen. "So…you're saying that you'll take a yoga class with me?"

"Look, you Oysters may need to do these kinds of things to help yourselves out, but, I'm from Wonderland."

"Have you thought that maybe the reason why you guys were so stressed out there was because you didn't have an outlet besides the Teas?" she asked.

Hatter paused. "Alice, I love you, but…I don't think the Queen of Hearts was beheading people because she didn't have yoga in her life."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Up next, Hatter takes a yoga class! So, what did you think? <strong>


	2. Chapter 2 Three Wise Monkeys

David Hatter and the Power of Yoga

**Author's Note: Thank you everybody who has alerted and favorited this story over the past couple of days. I hope more of you do review and let me know what you think, but I am grateful to those of you who have taken the time to review; means a lot to me! Hope that everybody who has been in Hurricane Irene's path is okay, and will continue to be since it seems more problems are cropping up as the storm is leaving. A big thank you goes out to Lady Irish Rose who has been awesome in helping me come up with situations to put Hatter in. Please also take the time read Live4Sunshine's **_**Wonderland Sunshine **_**and Isob3l's **_**Here we go again**_**. Both of these stories need more love!**

Chapter Two: Three Wise Monkeys

Hatter narrowed his eyes as he stared at Alice suspiciously. "I've given you no hat. Now, please explain to me why I have to take off my shoes."

He stood at the entrance to the classroom where people were busy laying down their yoga mats, and talking to each other. Alice kicked off her sneakers, and quickly put her hair up in a ponytail.

"You don't do yoga in shoes."

"Look at me, Alice." Hatter gestured down to the gray tank top, and black sweat shorts he was wearing. "I think you'll agree that my boots give this whole outfit just the right hint of me in it."

Alice glanced down to his black boot clad feet. "Right. And, can I add that the whole outfit doesn't work?"

"Oi!" he exclaimed. "Well," Hatter grumbled, "since we all can't have your wonderful fashion sense." He bent down, and began to unlace his boots.

"Hi," Alice said to one of the girls who passed by. "Well, I don't claim fashion sense, I just know that it's going to be difficult to do the poses in your boots."

Hatter placed the boots next to Alice's shoes. "There. You happy?"

Alice looked at his bare feet. "I swear, for someone who's not that tall…you have huge feet. You have, like, hobbit feet."

"What?"

"Nothing." She shook her head, and started to walk into the room.

"Oi, Alice! What do you mean, I'm not that tall?" Hatter scrambled for his yoga mat as he followed her.

"Well, I mean, you're taller then me, but, you're not…never mind." Alice spread her mat out.

"What?" Hatter pursed his lips. "I see. I'm not tall like Jack, yeah?"

"What?" Alice shook her head, looking up at him from the ground. "I didn't say anything about Jack."

He sat down on his mat, and stretched out his bare feet. "Well, you know what they say about blokes with big feet, yeah?"

Alice looked straight ahead, a smile playing on her face. "They wear big shoes?"

"That. And they have big cocks," he deadpanned.

She snickered. "Hatter!"

He glanced around. Most of the people taking the class were young; students Alice's age he guessed. Hatter watched as one girl grabbed her foot behind her, and lifted it up. "Damn," he muttered.

"What?"

"Are all the girls in this class so bloody hot?" he asked.

Alice rolled her eyes. "I thought you were going to be serious about taking this class, to try to learn something."

"I am. I'm learning more about how Oyster women move their bodies," Hatter replied cheekily. He grinned at her, and nodded over to the girl practicing. "See, Alice, I think this yoga, 'workout,' thing, and the 'de-stressing,' thing is all a ruse."

"A ruse for what?"

"A ruse to give the men erections as the women twist their bodies, and then the men are so filled up trying not to have sex with their partners in the class, that really, the men have to learn patience."

Alice turned her head slowly to gape at him. "That…may be one of the dumbest things I've ever heard you say."

"Dumb? Ah, no, Alice. Trust me, that's why all these blokes are here. They're not here for enlightenment, they're here for the sex appeal," Hatter replied. "And, there's plenty of it in this room."

"I am so happy that everybody has joined us today," a woman said as she flowed into the room. She was in her sixties with cropped gray hair. "For those of you new to the class, my name is Beverly, and this is Jack," she added, nodding to the young twenty something man smiling behind her.

Hatter froze. "Jack? Who's Jack?"

Alice shut her eyes. "Shit. They're the instructors."

"Hmmm…and were you aware that a man named Jack taught this class, Alice?" he asked, glaring at her.

"I…well, I mean, I knew that he would teach this level sometimes, but-"

"Uh huh…" Hatter muttered.

The two instructors sat down on their mats, crossing one leg over the other. "I want everyone to get into deep seated meditation," Beverly instructed. "Close your eyes, free your mind."

Hatter watched as Alice joined the others; their eyes shut as they rhythmically breathed in and out. "Uh huh…"

"Feel the wind surrounding you," Jack intoned.

"Oh, bloody hell, no," Hatter muttered.

"Hatter!" Alice hissed.

Jack walked behind Hatter, and placed his hands on Hatter's shoulders. "Close your eyes. You need to be fully relaxed." He dug his thumbs in, rubbing Hatter's muscles in a circular motion.

Hatter shook his head, biting his tongue. "Oh, Alice. You owe me…big time."

* * *

><p>Hatter grunted, and forced himself up. He stared at Alice's bum in front of him as she lifted her right leg behind her. He pursed his lips as her butt muscles clenched, and flexed.<p>

He licked his lips. Hatter stood on his left leg, and reached to grab the back of his right foot. _He steadied Alice with one hand, and heard her sigh of relief as he moved the other between her thighs. Alice swallowed; shaking. "Oh, fuck. Your fingers are amazing. So much better than Jack's," she purred, turning around to smile at him_.

Hatter lost his grip on his foot, and let out a loud explicative as he tumbled to his side. He landed with a thud, and shouted, "Fuck!" once more, causing everyone to look at him.

"Oh, my god!" Alice exclaimed. She ran over to him. "Are you all right?"

"What?"

Beverly knelt down next to him. "Falls are a natural part of the learning process."

"Hatter, you don't have to try everything now," Alice said.

"Actually, I do encourage everyone to try every position," Beverly interjected. "We just need to work on your falls, don't we?"

Hatter looked at her. "What are you talking about?"

"I don't think the Goddess liked the swears."

"What? The who? What?" Hatter shook his head.

"If you feel yourself starting to fall, just allow yourself to lift out of your body, and allow the fall to happen." Beverly stood up, and closed her eyes. She let out an exhale, and gracefully collapsed to a heap on the wooden floor. "You see how I fell there?"

Alice and Hatter nodded; their eyes wide. "Uh huh," Hatter mumbled.

"No swear words. No yelling. No ugly, harsh noises." Beverly smile serenely. "Do you think you can do that next time you feel the urge to fall coming over you?"

"Um…yeah." He grinned, flashing his dimples at her. "No problem. Graceful falling, yeah? I can do that."

"Oh, good." Beverly patted his hand. "Okay, everybody. Lets get into the up dog position."

Hatter glanced at Alice. "She's bloody mad. She must be."

Alice snickered. "She's…interesting. Are you okay?"

"Sure. Don't worry, I will fall gracefully next time." Hatter rolled his eyes, and watched as Alice went back to her mat, and got into the up dog position. He soon followed suit, and counted out of the breaths.

"And, then we all move into down dog, and don't worry if you can't get your feet flat on the floor." Jack clapped his hands. "Exhale, and push up."

Hatter peered up to look at Alice's ass momentarily before he realized that Jack was touching his back. He could feel Jack's hand resting along the top of his butt, pushing down. "Oi! Mate! What are you doing?" Hatter exclaimed.

"I'm just aligning your back. Shsssh, just relax," Jack said softly.

"I am relaxed!" Hatter squeaked. He reddened, and cleared his throat. "I mean, I am relaxed. Hands off the bum, mate. It may be a good bum, but, I certainly don't need…aligning." He could hear Alice quietly giggling in front of him.

"I think you need to see me for some reiki after class one day," Jack whispered in his ear. "You're too tense."

"Bloody hell, I swear-"

"And we come up into Warrior One," Beverly's voice cut into Hatter's rant.

"What?" Hatter looked around, and quickly imitated everyone's movements. He lifted his hands up in the air behind him, and bent his body back.

"And…exhale," Jack said. "And, we bend forward into the Warrior One shoulder release."

"Fuck," Hatter muttered. "Why can't these bloody idiots just give a bloke some time?" He bent forward, linking his hands behind his head. He could see the muscles of Alice's legs and bum flexing as she stayed in position counting her breaths. "Ohhhh, fuck," he groaned. His back foot tripped on the edge of the yoga mat as he struggled to right himself. "No!" Hatter shouted. "Graceful falling! I'm gracefully falling! No!" His legs jumbled together, and he hit his head on the wooden floor. "Fuck!"

"Hatter!" Alice exclaimed.

He opened his eyes to see Beverly, Jack, and Alice looking down at him. "So…I guess I upset the Goddess with that 'fuck,' yeah?"

* * *

><p>Hatter skeptically examined the smoothie in his hands. "I don't know about this."<p>

"Look, you ordered a peanut butter, banana one. That's completely harmless," Alice pointed out.

"And, what did you get again?" he asked, pointing to Alice's cup which contained a green liquid.

"It's a health boost. Has spinach, carrots, kale…you know, the good stuff," she replied.

"It looks, um…lovely." Hatter took a sip of his drink. "Not bad."

"Alice!" a girl called out from the doorway.

"Oh, oh, that's Rain," Alice said, ignoring Hatter's look of suspicion. "Get that look off your face. C'mon, I'll introduce you."

"Rain? You know someone named Rain?" Hatter raised his eyebrows. "Uh huh. That's just…fucked up."

"Oh, and um, the names Dodo, Duck, Owl, Dormouse, um Griffin, what am I forgetting?"

"Turtle," he prompted her.

"Oh, yeah. Turtle. Those are completely normal names."

He opened his mouth to respond when the girl enveloped Alice in a big hug. "Alice! I'm so glad to see you in class!" Rain exclaimed. She was tall, lanky, with long blonde hair that was pulled back in a thick braid. "I can see you've been busy."

"Oh, um, yes. Rain this is my boyfriend…Hatter."

"Hatter? I love that name!" Rain smiled at him. "Good for you for looking down on society's demand for unoriginality with names. Hatter is wonderful. Did you choose that name because you like hats?" She took a sip of her smoothie.

"Um…no." Hatter was at a loss for words. "It's because I'm there when-"

"It's his last name," Alice interjected. "His first name is David."

"Oh. Oh, well, still…Hatter is so much better." Rain nodded. "My Earth name was Amanda."

Hatter shook his head. "Earth name?"

"Yes. The names your parents give you are called Earth names. But, I chose Rain for my True name. It's to symbolize the cleansing of my old life, and washing away the stigma of conformity," Rain explained. "Once I re-emerged as Rain, and truly accepted who I was, I could feel the chains loosening off me."

Alice reddened as Hatter gaped at her. "Right. You know, Alice, some people are blood-"

"Hatter and I were just talking about his old friends, weren't we, Hatter?" Alice laughed.

"Er, oi, they weren't friends, Alice. I think one of them even tried to kill me," Hatter chuckled, and pointed at his chest. "Me. They wanted to kill me."

"Besides that little hiccup of the almost murder, their names were Dodo, Duck, Owl-"

"Oh!" Rain clapped her hands. "I love it! Your friends chose names that show the love, and respect to the animals."

Hatter plastered a grin on his face. "You got it. Dodo really did exhibit all the characteristics of his chosen animal."

"I love that!" Rain gave him a smile before turning back to Alice. "Did you have a chance to read the new Michael Pollan book I gave you?"

"Oh, yes. Yes, of course. I'm almost done with it. I mean, I agree with him about not eating the processed food, I just don't know if I could go full vegan, or even vegetarian," Alice said. "I do like chicken and fish."

"Oh, Alice. You can do so much with tofu nowadays that you won't even miss the taste of chicken, or fish even. You need to come with me to my raw food group one day," Rain enthused.

"Raw food?" Hatter looked at Rain, horrified.

"It's about getting the best nutrients in your body, Hatter. You won't believe how clean you'll feel after you try it." Rain looked at Hatter's smoothie. "Like that, you could've chosen a vegetable or pure fruit one that would detoxify your body, and open your pores, and even improve the flow of your semen."

"Rain!" Alice quickly turned pink.

Hatter nodded. "Hmm, well, I think Alice doesn't mind some bad things in her body now and then, yeah? I mean, she certainly doesn't say no to my variation of thick, creamy Yorkshire pudding." He grinned at the two of them. "In fact, sometimes she begs me for it."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: The characters of Rain, Beverly, and Jack, are meant to be exaggerations, even though I do know quite a few people like them, I just took their characters to the extreme. Review, and let me know, and up next, Hatter and Alice take a couple's yoga class!<strong>


	3. Chapter 3 Cow Face

David Hatter and the Power of Yoga

**Author's Note: I wanted to start off by saying how sorry I am that this chapter has taken so long to get together and post. As some of you know, my MIL came to visit last week, and then another relationship in my family imploded, ugh, the drama. So, thank you very much everybody who laughed at, and reviewed the last chapter. I only hope it continues to draw a few chuckles from you here and there. As always, a big thanks for this chapter goes to Lady Irish Rose who had her own interesting take on how things should go. Thank you everybody so much!**

Chapter Three: Cow Face

"Are you nervous?" Alice asked.

"Why would I be nervous?"

They were sitting on the same mat; six other couples spaced around them.

"You look nervous."

Hatter raised his eyebrows. "Believe me, all I'm thinking about is that this is _not_ naked yoga."

"I told you it wasn't going to be," she hissed.

"Too bad." He grinned, letting his eyes travel down to her green workout pants. "At least you put the sexy knickers on, yeah?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Yes. I put the sexy underwear on."

"The blue ones?"

"Yes. The blue ones."

Hatter smirked, before he quickly stiffened. "You didn't tell me that _he_ taught this class."

Alice turned around. Jack walked in followed by a young woman with shoulder length bright red hair. "They don't just teach one class, Hatter. I think Jack teaches, like, four here, and besides…just because his name is Jack, doesn't mean he's, like, Jack."

"Oh, Alice. I don't think you understand where I'm going with this." Hatter pursed his lips, and smiled. "I don't think that Jack would turn down some alone time with us."

"What?" She shook her head. "You're imagining things. Just because in that one class you took he helped align your ba-"

"Oi! That was more than aligning!"

"No. I'll prove it to you." Alice waved at Jack. "Jack! I didn't know you taught this class!"

Jack knelt down next to them. "Of course. This is one of the five classes I teach here. I also headline some special events, like the _Welcoming of Autumn_, that we'll be having next week."

"Ah, good. Um, you know, Hatter was just saying that he wishes this couples yoga could be done naked," Alice said.

"Well, we here at the Namaste Yoga Center, we certainly believe that the body is beautiful in all forms. If you feel that it will make you stronger as a couple to practice the yoga naked…give me a call." Jack smiled at Hatter. "We can certainly arrange for a private session."

Hatter turned back to Alice, fighting the smile tugging at his lips. "We will certainly keep that in mind, Jack." He waited till Jack joined the woman at the front of the room. "Well?"

"You're being ridiculous," she scoffed. "He just wants to set up a private class so he can earn some more money."

"Or…or…he wants to see my bits," Hatter grinned.

"Not everyone wants to see your bits."

"You like to see them. You ask me to sleep naked."

Alice leaned forward. "I don't think you take much convincing."

"Everybody! My name is Jack, and this is Ann Liv. She has been teaching our Pilates, and Figure Four classes," Jack announced. "She will be helping me out in here as she works for her level certification."

Ann Liv smiled, and sat on the mat next to Jack. "We will be starting with the meditation."

Hatter rolled his eyes. "Not the bloody meditation again," he muttered.

"Face each other, keep your legs crossed, and place your palms on top of each other's," Jack instructed.

Hatter snickered, but went ahead and enclosed Alice's palms with his own. "This has got to be-"

"Sir?" Ann Liv walked over, and bent over him. "I think this work better for you if you take off your hat."

Alice smiled triumphantly. "I told you this morning, Hatter."

"Your name is Hatter?" Ann Liv asked.

"Yes." He narrowed his eyes at her. "What of it?"

"Just because your name is Hatter doesn't mean that you need to wear a hat everywhere," Ann Liv said quietly. "I hope that through meditation, and opening your mind, you can learn how to shed the need for being Hatter with a hat."

"Um." Hatter shook his head. "I _can _be Hatter without a hat."

"Show me. Take your hat off, take your partner's hands, and close your eyes. Don't think of anything else but positive vibes," Ann Liv said.

Hatter steeled his eyes up at her. "Right," he clipped. "Got it, mate." He placed the straw fedora on the floor, and took Alice's hands again. "Positive vibes, yeah?"

Alice was trying hard not to laugh. "You need to take this seriously." She closed her eyes, and finally let out a giggle. "C'mon, positive vibes."

"Pass the power of your love to your partner using the connection of your fingers," Jack said.

Hatter opened one eye. "Seriously?"

"Hatter, shush," Alice whispered.

"He said to use my fingers," he replied in a singsong voice. Hatter let go of Alice's right hand, and rest his fingers against her crotch. "Just passing on the power of my love using my fingers per instructions."

"Hatter!" she gritted out.

"Just relax, and…ow!" he shouted. Alice had slapped his hand forcefully enough to leave a red mark.

"What happened?" Jack asked.

"Simple." Hatter stared at Alice, and cocked his head. "_She _is not using her fingers to pass the power of her love."

* * *

><p>Hatter gripped Alice's arms as she laced hers over his. Their legs were open in a split, with their feet linked together. He pursed his lips as he struggled to keep his legs open.<p>

"What?" Alice asked.

He glanced around at the men in the classroom. "You cannot possibly tell me that this is comfortable."

"Having problems, Hatter?"

"Oh, sure. I'm perfectly fine, besides feeling my bloody bits getting stretched."

"_Your _bits getting stretched? I don't think that's possible."

"Inhale," Ann Liv chimed in. "Feel the strength of your partner holding you up. Give in to the trust, as you exhale…and out. Loosen your muscles."

Alice closed her eyes, letting her mind empty of all thoughts. She was about to breathe out when she felt Hatter's arms jerk. "Hatter," she warned.

Hatter was snickering. "I think you know, as well as I, that _this_ is not what builds trust. I doubt any of the people in this room have punched a Jabberwock before."

Alice was about to open her mouth when Jack walked back to the front of the room. "Good," he said. "Now, we break apart so that we can move into Forward Bend."

"The what?" Hatter asked.

"Here." Jack sat next to him. "Lean down, butt firmly on the floor, and then lift, and hug your knees against your chest."

"Uh huh…" Hatter watched Jack warily.

"Then fold your body in so that your chin is resting on your thighs." Jack nodded at Alice. "She has it down nicely." Hatter's eyes hardened as he watched Jack run his hand over the length of Alice's thigh. "See how nice and tight this is?"

"Mate…" Hatter's voice took on a threatening tone.

"Alice, why don't you show Hatter how to do the Eagle Twist? I think he would really benefit," Jack suggested. She acquiesced, and lay straight on her back as she turned both thighs over till they rest on the ground. "See this? Feel the strength in the muscles."

"Mate…" Hatter said again.

Jack's hands slowly trailed across Alice's hips and thighs. "Perfect," he whispered. "No struggling. Perfect. She is holding herself up."

"Hands off!" Hatter exclaimed.

"I'm just showing you-" Jack started to say.

Hatter nudged him out of the way, and glared at Jack as he placed his hands protectively over Alice's thighs. "Yes. She's perfect, but, she's _my _perfect, yeah? Don't…touch her."

"Hatter!" Alice blushed. "He was just showing you-"

"I know what he was showing me." He looked over at Jack who went to help out another couple. "You didn't see the look in his eyes as he said 'perfect,' Alice. There was fire in his eyes; lust."

"What?" Alice rolled her eyes. "First you think that Jack wants to see your bits, and now you think he was looking at me…with lust. Which one is it?"

"Both."

"Just get in the Forward Bend, Hatter," she muttered.

Hatter obliged, and started to giggle softly once he rest his chin on his thighs. "Oh, bloody hell."

"What now, Hatter?" Alice groaned.

"Oh, just…well, I don't think I need a girlfriend anymore as long as I have this pose." He peered up, and gave her a cheeky grin. "I can just give myself a blow job."

"What?" Alice crashed to the side of the mat. "You're mad!"

"No, no. Not man, just…curious." He placed his chin back on his thigh. "Yes. Yes, I do believe this is possible."

"Oh, my god." She sat next to him. "Look, even if it were possible, um…" Alice shook her head. "No. You couldn't possibly enjoy it."

"You like what I do with my mouth, don't you? So, I think it would stand to reason that I could enjoy it, yeah?"

"Um…"

"Women in the Down Dog position!" Ann Liv called out.

"Thank god," Alice murmured under her breath. She rest her hands on the mat, and pushed her lower body up, causing Hatter to grin as her ass filled his view.

"Stretch the right leg out," Ann Liv continued, "and partners, start massaging the leg up to the thighs. Feel every curve; every muscle. Make her feel your passion for her with your every touch."

Hatter smirked. "All righty." He made a show of cracking his knuckles before he started to guide his hands up Alice's calves. He could feel her loosen beneath him, and he slowly grinned. Hatter glanced over in front of him to where a petite blonde was wearing a tight pair of purple shorts. She bent further down, and Hatter cocked his head so he could see over her partner's shoulder. Hatter exhaled as he made out the slight curve of her butt cheeks.

"Hatter? Hatter!" Alice shouted.

"Er…what? What?" He shook his head, and turned back to look down at Alice.

"You're hurting me. You…your hand…your right hand, Hatter," Alice grimaced.

"What?"

"You're…hurting me…with your…hand…" she hissed.

"Oh!" Hatter loosened his hold on her thigh; a deep bruise was already forming in the shape of a hand print.

"No, wait!" Alice exclaimed. Her foot hit the mat with a thud, and she stumbled.

"Shit!" he yelled, watching as Alice tripped over, and fell.

Jack ran over to help her up. "Are you okay?"

"Fine!" Alice squeaked. She shook her head at Hatter, before smiling at Jack. "Just…fine."

"Okay, then. Time for the partners to switch."

Hatter winced. "Sorry. I didn't think I was holding you too hard." He gently touched the bruise. "Shall I kiss it better?"

"Get down on the floor," she ordered.

"Alice, you never mentioned taking me in public!" Hatter teased.

"Whatever. Get down." Alice bit her lip, and waited till he got in the position. "I don't know if I have that much faith in your passion if you grab me like that."

"Consider it more like I have so much passion for you that I have to show you, yeah?" Hatter lifted his leg up. "Now…let me see how much passion you have for me."

Alice allowed a small smile to escape. "Oh, yeah, baby. All the passion."

The blonde was now directly in front of Hatter; her shorts riding up. She bent her knees a bit to reach at the underside of her partner's thighs. Hatter let out a slight moan, and lifted his head to watch as she backed up.

"Hatter? Is this enough passion for you? Hatter? Hatter!"

He shook his head. "What?"

"I asked if I was…" Alice looked at the blonde. "Hatter!"

"What?"

She bent down next to him. "Stop checking her out," she growled.

"Oi, Alice! She's wearing short shorts, and I can see much more than her knickers. How can I avoid looking?" he insisted in a hushed whisper.

"Ugh!" Alice pushed him over till he fell off the mat.

"Alice!" He winced, and lifted his hands up to stop Jack who was making his way over. "I'm fine, mate! I just tripped. Clumsy, you know?"

"This is about us connecting," she murmured.

"Do you really believe that we need all of this to connect? I think we do just fine connecting on our own, yeah?" Hatter winked at her.

Alice crawled over him, and whispered in his ear, "Don't forget what my friend said about the amazing sex that's supposed to follow."

"So!" Hatter jumped up, and clapped his hands. "I'm ready for the next move! Who's with me?"

* * *

><p>Hatter lay on the floor in Corpse Pose, his legs spread apart and his arms by his side. Alice was standing over him, one knee bent as she massaged him along his ribs.<p>

"Do long, gentle strokes," Jack instructed. "Don't use too much pressure."

Hatter let out a small moan of pleasure as Alice moved her hands down to his thigh. "You like that?" Alice asked.

"Mmmm hmmm."

"Let yourself go, Hatter," Jack said. "We want to hear you, hear your joy."

Hatter raised his eyebrow, and opened one eye. "Not all my joy, mate."

Alice snorted, crawling over to the other side so she could massage his calves. "Behave."

"Oh, I can't really behave with you touching me." He smiled, and looked over the couple on the mat across from them. The man was lying on the floor as the woman focused on massaging the ends of his calves. Hatter's eyes furrowed as he noted the man staring intently at Alice.

As Alice bent down, the man's eyes widened as her ass tightened in front of him. Hatter bit his lip, clenching his right hand into a fist. "Are you okay?" Alice asked.

"What?" Hatter whipped his head back towards her. "What was that?"

"You…you kind of tensed up."

"Oh, no. I just…" He shook his head. "No. I just…I was thinking about…about, Dodo."

She lifted her hands up. "Dodo?"

"Yeah, I just…I let my mind wander. Just wondering what good ol' Dodo has been up to."

Alice tapped her finger against his foot. "Uh huh. You know, just relax, and…don't think about Dodo."

"Ah, no."

Alice sat down on her knees, wiggling her backside a bit as she got comfortable. Hatter twisted his neck over to the man, and growled. The man was staring at Alice; his eyes following her every move. "Oh, fuck. That's it," he muttered. "Oi! Oi, mate!" Hatter shouted. "Oi! You're fucking up my chi!"

"Hatter!" Alice blushed. "When have you been watching _Swordfish_?"

"What?" He shook his head, and pointed at the man next to her. "No. You, yes you, mate. Pay attention to your own woman, keep your eyes off mine."

"I-I don't know-" the man stuttered.

"Is there a problem here?" Jack asked.

"No. No problem. Just a bit of a miscommunication, yeah?" Hatter grinned, flashing his dimples at Jack. "No. We're fine."

"Okay." Jack's eyes darted back between Alice and Hatter. "Okay. Switch positions then."

"He was not looking at me, Hatter," Alice muttered as she lay down on the mat.

"Oh, he was." Hatter scampered over her. "Believe me, when a girl as pretty as you has her arse in some bloke's eyesight…he's not going to not look, yeah?"

She smiled, and closed her eyes. "Shut up. You're lying."

"And lift your right leg. And…breathe," Ann Liv instructed.

Hatter wrapped his hands around Alice's thigh. "Now, too bad that this really isn't naked yoga." Alice giggled softly. "I mean, this would just be the perfect opportunity right here."

"Hatter…"

He glanced up. The man was eyeing Alice's leg. "Oh, fuck, no," he muttered. "Oi, mate! What the bloody fuck do you think you're doing?"

"Hatter?" Alice yelped as Hatter threw her leg down on the mat. "Hatter!"

Hatter jumped over Alice, and rushed at the other man; pinning him down to the ground. "I warned you, mate!"

"Hatter! Hatter!" Jack shouted.

Hatter picked the man up, and threw him against the wall. "What don't you understand when I told you to keep your eyes on your girl, and off of mine?"

"Hatter! Stop!" Alice exclaimed.

Jack reached over, and gently touched Hatter on the shoulder. "Hatter, I think we need to step away. Let's breathe our way positively out of this."

He scoffed. "Breathe positively? Are you sure you're not high on Tea?"

"What?"

Hatter smirked; loosening his grip on the man's shirt. "If anybody in this Oyster world has gotten their hands on the Tea, it would have to be you because-" He groaned, and fell down to the floor as the man punched him square in the face.

* * *

><p>He winced as Alice slammed the door behind them. She slid off her sneakers, and paused. "How's your nose?" she finally asked.<p>

Hatter gingerly touched it. "It stopped bleeding."

"Oh, yeah?"

"That guy had a good punch, yeah?"

Alice turned around, crossing her arms over her chest. "I think you may have carried it too far when you punched Jack after he tried to help you up."

"I thought…"

"Hatter…" She blushed, and shook her head "Nevermind."

"What?"

"Oh, it was just…" Alice peered up at him. His nose was red, with two bruises on his cheeks, and his left eye was swollen. "It was kind of hot."

"Oh, really?" Hatter tried to keep his voice steady, but it cracked on the last syllable.

"Yes." Alice's eyes bore heavily into his. Her lips twitched. "I can take care of myself you know."

He nodded, swallowing deeply. "I know."

"But…" She bit her lip, and trailed over to him. "Have I ever told you how sexy you look when you're banged up?"

"No."

"You know, I wonder…if we did get together in Wonderland, would I have taken care of you after you had gotten so hurt?" Alice reached her hand down to his shorts. "I mean-"

"I would've taken care of you," he murmured.

She slipped her hand inside, gripping his quickly hardening cock. "Why are you the only one I believe like that?"

Hatter moaned. "Alice…"

"Yes?" she whispered. She continued to stroke his length.

"Alice…"

Alice giggled. "Am I making you lose your train of thought?"

"You always make me lose my train of thought." He gave her a dimpled smile. "So…I look sexy?"

She didn't respond. She simply got down on her knees, and released his erection from the confines of his shorts. Alice took him in her mouth, and began to lick at the shaft.

"Ohhh, fuck. Oh, Alice," he grunted.

Alice gave one more suck, kissing the tip before she stood back up. "I think that'll be enough appreciation for now, don't you think?" She gave him a wink, and began to head into the kitchen.

Hatter scrambled to pull his shorts, and boxers down before running after her. He wrapped his hands around her waist, drawing her against him. "I want to appreciate you."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I think that couples yoga has given me few ideas." He nuzzled the scruff of his cheek on her shoulder.

"Like how to beat people up?"

Hatter pulled his shirt off. "No. I already knew how to do that."

She smiled. "I seem to recall that." Alice let out a squeal as Hatter scooped her up. "Did you learn this in yoga?"

"No. I learned this when I was seventeen." He lay her down on the bed. "A girl who worked in the Casino thought I needed to be schooled."

"Ah, too innocent?"

"No." Hatter yanked down her workout pants, and panties. "Too wild." He leaned over her. "Do you agree?"

Alice grabbed him by the shoulders, pressing his lips to hers. She hooked her legs around his hips, and rolled them over. "Your name is Hatter. Aren't you supposed to be mad?"

"I think the yoga has done its job. I'm quite mellow now," he replied, winking at her.

She pulled her tank top, and sports bra off. "Let me see if I can change that." Alice slid him inside. "I think the yoga has worked.

Hatter swallowed. He started breathing heavily as he tried to force himself not to thrust up. "Why-why do you say that?"

"Well," Alice started rocking back and forth, "all that stretching has left me quite limber…inside."

"Ohhhh, oh really?" he panted.

"Can't you feel it?" She took his hand, and placed it at her entrance. "I mean, you may have to maneuver your fingers a little bit."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. I mean…if you don't believe me…"

Hatter growled. "I may have to check that out from another perspective."

"Oh?" Alice closed her eyes, and started to moan as Hatter expertly moved his fingers around her clit. She was about to lean in, and give into it when Hatter slid his fingers out. She yelped in frustration, and opened her eyes. "Wha…?"

He was staring at her, his brown eyes darkened with lust. "I told you. I will have to check it from a different perspective."

Alice squealed as he rolled them back over. "Which perspective is that?" she whispered.

"Get on your hands and knees," he ordered, his accent thickening with each word. "Now." She quickly obeyed, and turned to face the bed. Hatter wrapped his arms around her waist, and pressed his mouth on her ear. "You liked it, didn't you? You liked it when I punched that little twit for looking at you."

Alice smiled. "Maybe…"

Hatter moved back behind her, and slammed his erection deep inside her. He let out a moan, and Alice whimpered as they felt her walls encase him. He swallowed. "I want a yes or no."

She swerved her head back to look at him. "Yes." Alice gasped, and gripped the headboard as he started to thrust. "I've always liked it."

Hatter paused. "You've always liked what?"

Alice turned around, and looked at him again. "When you've lost control like that." She swallowed hard, and shook, feeling his cock vibrate in her. "You looked so rough. I…I almost think it would be fun for you to drag in by my hair, and just take me."

"Ohhhh…." he grunted out. He quickened his thrusts, holding tight to her as he bent forward to rest his cheek on her back. Alice closed her eyes, and panted heavily as she felt his balls slap directly against her clit. "Alice…"

"Mmm hmm?" was all she could manage to get out.

"Alice…"

"Am I making you lose your train of thought again?"

"Oh, fuck yes. Oh…fuck…yes." Hatter shook his head, and tightened his hold on her waist. "I love you."

Alice felt the heat begin to curl in her womb. "Oh, shit."

"I love you."

"Oh, fuck." Alice grabbed the headboard, almost pulling it towards her as she arched her head and back. She opened her mouth to eject a soundless cry; shaking as she came.

Hatter held her close to him, pulling her up as he rested on his knees. "Alice," he murmured. "Alice…" She let out a small scream as he began to move inside her. "Alice, Alice." He leaned his chin on her shoulder, his body jerking back and forth as he emptied everything in her. "Oh, bollocks. Oh…fuck," he whispered.

Alice fell against him. "I don't think I can move."

"Don't." His voice was husky. "I don't think your friend was right."

"Right about what?" she panted.

"We didn't need couples yoga to have amazing sex."

"No?"

"No, I mean the sex with you is always amazing, but, I think the secret for us to have mind bending sex?" Hatter grinned, and placed a kiss on her cheek. "I need to beat the shit out of someone in front of you, that's all."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I will try not to let so much time pass between this and the next chapter. The next, and final, chapter: Hatter attempts meditation!**


	4. Chapter 4 Deep Seated Meditation

David Hatter and the Power of Yoga

**Author's Note: Thank you everybody so much who has reviewed, alerted, and favorited this silly little story. I'm so glad that it's making you laugh! Well, here is the last chapter. It's shorter than the others, but I hope still humorous here and there. A big thank you goes out to Lady Irish Rose who really helped me with this story throughout. Keep an eye out for her sequel to **_**A Slayer in Wonderland**_**, believe me, it's gonna be good. Enjoy, and let me know what you think!**

Chapter Four: Deep Seated Meditation

He struck the match on the box, and bent down to light the last candle on the coffee table. Hatter sighed, and wiped the excess ash off his fingers.

The living room was dark, minus the light from the dozens of flickering candles placed randomly around the space. He walked over to the mat, shaking his long limbs out before he plopped down.

He crossed his legs, and gripped his knees. "Okay, lets do this," he muttered. Hatter rolled his neck around, cracking the kinks out before he closed his eyes. "Serenity, now."

Hatter inhaled, releasing it all out in a deep breath. His nose twitched. He scratched it. Hatter relaxed his shoulders, and cleared his throat. "Right. Back to business."

The tingle started on his shoulder. Hatter adjusted his back, and snorted. "Right. Push pass it."

The itch remained; taunting him under his tank top. Flaming. _Scratch me, scratch me. _Hatter growled, and ripped the shirt off, sighing out in pleasure as his fingers found the lone spot under his shoulder.

"Okay, whoo." He sat back down, and assumed the meditation pose. "Focus, mate, yeah?" Hatter sniffed. He opened one eye, and gasped. "Fuck!" The edge of the shirt that he had thrown to the floor had caught the fire of one of the candles and was now a small flaming ball. "Oh, bollocks! Fuck!" Hatter grabbed the blanket off the couch, and furiously began to hit at the rising flame.

"Seriously, meditating with candles should come with a warning label." He shook his head, and went back to the mat. "Okay, let's go." Hatter steeled his eyes. "Lets fucking meditate."

_La la la la la la. _Hatter pursed his lips. _I wonder if I have enough eggs to make something for breakfast tomorrow. Alice likes eggs. But…what if Alice won't sleep over tonight? Hmmm, what kind of knickers does she have on today? Ooooh…tea._

Hatter's eyes flashed open. "I'm going mad." He ran his fingers through his hair, and crawled over to where he had a cd player set up. "Okay, Jack. I'll try it your way."

He depressed the play button, rolling his eyes as he got back into place. The room filled with the music of whales singing. "Oh, bloody hell."

"I want you to close your eyes. Imagine yourself in your happy spot," Jack's voice cut in. "Feel the sun pour her love all over your body."

Hatter chuckled. "My happy spot does not involve the sun pouring her love on my body."

_Alice rest against the tree trunk; one bare leg behind her. She curled her finger up, and loosened the thin strap of her bra. "I've been waiting for you," she murmured. "Do you want to see what I have under here?"_

Hatter grinned. "This is my happy spot."

_Jack pushed his body up against hers. "I think you have nothing under there. Much like I am wearing nothing," he moved her hand down to cup his groin, "under here." _"_Oooooh," Alice moaned. "I can already tell your cock is bigger than Hatter's. But then again, you're a man." She looked up. "He was a boy."_

"Oi!" Hatter's eyes burst open.

"Feel the peace, the love, soar through your blood," Jack's voice continued.

"Shut up!" Hatter barked. The whale song got louder, and he nodded in satisfaction. "Much better."

_Jack swam frantically; his arms flailing. "Help! Oh, god! Oh, dear god, help!" he sobbed. The whale loomed behind him, its mouth open to reveal its long rows of sharp teeth. It bellowed, inching closer to Jack. "Oh, no! No! Help me, no!" Jack shouted. The whale snapped its mouth down; swallowing Jack whole._

Hatter chuckled. "That's right. Bye bye, Jack."

_The whale winked at Hatter_.

"Stretch your arms up to the sky, your fingertips playing with the clouds," Jack said.

"Bloody annoying," Hatter gritted out. "Okay, whales singing, happy spot, happy spot."

_Hatter walked up the hill in Wonderland. He was sweating, and hot, and his silk shirt was sticking to his skin. "I've been waiting for you," Alice said. __She was nude. She was positioned in down dog, her leg lifted up in the air. "Oh, fuck," he muttered.  
><em>"_Do you like what you see?" she asked.  
><em>"_I've thought of nothing since I first saw you," he croaked out.  
><em>_Alice turned around, and lifted her body up into baby bridge. "Then why don't you do something about it?"_

"Ohhhhh," Hatter moaned, and reached into his shorts to rub at his growing erection. "Happy place, here I come!"

"_That's it! My, Hatter, now I know why you were so cocky in the Tea Shop," Alice moaned as he thrust inside of her. "Who knew you were hiding that in those purple trousers?"  
><em>"_And, who knew that under such a demure dress was a smoking hot body?" Hatter arched his back before he went deeper in. "Oh, wait, I did." He smiled at her, cockily. _"_What smells like smoke? Is something burning?"  
><em>"_What?"  
><em>"_Hatter? Hatter? Is your shirt on fire? Hatter? Hatter!"_

"Oh, gods! Oh, Alice, you feel so good!" He energetically jerked in cock in his hand, pausing momentarily to massage the tip.

"Hatter! Hatter! What are you doing?"

He opened his eyes. Alice was standing in front of him; a cloth basket filled with food dangled limply in her arms. "Um…Alice."

"I…I decided to stop by the farmers market, and…I…well, I…I smelled smoke," she blathered, looking around the room. "What are…what are you doing?"

"Um…" His eyes darted around, looking everywhere but directly at her. "Meditating."

"Uh huh." Alice glanced down to where Hatter's now softened cock rest in his hand. "Is this a new form of meditating?"

"Um…"

She placed the basket on the floor. "Was your shirt on fire? I thought I smelled it!" Alice exclaimed, grabbing the singed garment.

"Oh. Right." Hatter slipped himself back into his shorts. "That. Yeah, I had an itch."

Alice pursed her lips. "Uh huh."

He stood up. "Too many candles, yeah?"

"Um…" She turned around. "You know, I…I came over to surprise you with dinner."

"Dinner? Oh, dinner. Right." He picked up the basket. "Dinner's good."

She scrunched her face up, and started to follow him. "But…why were you jerking off?"

"Ooooh, tomatoes!" Hatter exclaimed. "I love tomatoes!"

"Yeah, I thought we could make a salad…" Alice paused. "Wait, is that…is that, Jack speaking on the cd?"

He lifted his head up. "Um, yeah. And whales. Whales singing."

"No. I can tell those are whales."

"Right." Hatter started chopping up the tomatoes. "So, um, Alice…would whales ever feel the urge to commit murder?"

"What?"

"Yeah, you know," He reached up to the open cabinet to grab a bowl to throw the tomatoes in., "would a whale ever get hungry, for say, a male yoga instructor? You know, out of general curiosity."

Alice stared at him, her mouth agape for a moment before she clamped it shut. "You know, I don't think you should meditate…ever again."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And that marks the end of Hatter exploring the world of yoga! As always, thank you everybody so much for supporting this little story. I have a couple of requests that some people asked me to write relating to Hatter and Alice so hopefully will start on those soon, and again, thank you. Your words always make me happy.**


End file.
